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A ROLL OF THE DICE – WARNING – Exploding Kittens (NSFW REVIEW)

Posted on August 3rd, 2016

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The Following review is NSFW. There is naughty language, and in there being so, should not be read by anyone under the age of majority. If you are still reading this I assume you are old enough to be doing so.

 

I had to. I am sorry for the following review, but I just fucking had to. This is the game that completely decimated Kickstarter, during a time when most campaigns were lucky to fund. It made the entire crowdfunding it’s bitch, raising a mind boggling NINE MILLION (Just less than) GOD DAMN DOLLARS! I manage a good 1500 to 2000$ for Psychosis, and I thought I was doing well. These guys literally just raised the cost of buying a complete street in Moncton… In a mere thirty day campaign, thanks to fans like you.

I get it, this game is created by a group of people who have a cult following. The Oatmeal is a magical website of comedy, tom fuckery, and general balls to the wall fun. So when you partner with a guy who makes games for a living, you have to expect it is going to be a success. No one in their right minds expected this though, as the creators have said many times. This campaign surpassed every expectation it had, and had trouble coming up with some of the stretch goals in its wake. It managed to create a standard for Kickstarter that has only been surpassed a couple of times.

This game was sold out for the first year after it came out. No one could get any orders in, and by the time they could the steam started to die down a bit as everyone and their brothers had played the absolute hell out of this game.

CONCEPT

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT get stuck with the exploding Kitten being drawn without a defuse card in your hand. Honestly, the concept is super basic, but the fact no one else came up with it boggles my mind.

You take turns drawing cards. You either use abilities, attack, force other players to draw, etc, all hoping your enemies will draw an exploding kitten and BOOM! Instant Death! UNLESS those little shits managed to get themselves a defuse card, in which case they survived the inevitable heat death of kitten bombs. Ah well, there’s always next time!

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SET-UP

– Take out the Exploding Kittens (4) and Defuse Cards (6) from the deck.

– Shuffle the remaining cards and deal four cards to each player face down.

– Give one Defuse card to each player, so each player has a total of five cards.

– Insert exploding kitten cards into deck, there should be one less than the amount of players in the game.

– Remove the extras from the game.

– Insert the extra defuse cards back into the deck as well. Always helpful to get another one or two of those bad boys as soon as they can.

– Shuffle the deck and put it in the middle of the table for easy access to all players. No need to hide the cards, as you want those sneaky bitches to draw a bomb card.

– Pick who goes first. (They recommend using biggest beard, most intimidating odor, or shortest spleen)

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WHAT’S IN A TURN

First of all, you need to decide whether or not you want to play a card. Unless you have a hand full of Defuses (Which you won’t) then I recommend playing something. You can peek at the pile, steal from other players, etc. Oh, I forgot to mention, you do this as many times as you damn well please. You can play the entirety of your hand if you want, HOWEVER you only get to draw one card at the end of the turn. This is a simple case of not blowing your load before you should, classic tactics in most of life.

Seriously, this is all you do. Over and over again. Easily the simplest game I have ever even heard of, and this was before I played it. It is easy, fun, and a ball of laughs. Well, as long as kittens being blown to shit is something you find funny with your dark ass humor.

Not much variation to the game, although there is a two player variant and a five or more variant, both of which can be found by googling, so I am not giving all the dirty details of this one.

Forgot to mention, if you defuse the exploding kitten, you get to choose where in the deck you put that kitten. Do you ABSOLUTELY know the next player does not have a defuse card? If so, fuck em’ toss it on top and watch them scream. Be careful though, things aren’t always what they seem.

NSFW VERSION

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Oh yessir they did. They also released a Not Safe For Work variation of the game. It is the exact same game, but with a lot more dick in it. It is 100% the same game as before, the graphics are just a lot more insanely detailed with dicks, actual gut explosions, and more dicks! Sounds like a night out with the chippendales dancers, not that I would know….

This was originally a kickstarter exclusive, but is purchasable by ANYONE now through The Comic Hunter (when it can actually stay in stock) so make sure if you are a giant kid like me, you get one of each. One for the family, and one for the “family”.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

Honestly, I wanted this review to be short and sweet, just like the game. I realized quickly I could not do a short and sweet review of this game, because this game is the wet dream of sadists everywhere. You have to be seriously fucked up to enjoy this game, or just really, really bored. Either way, it is WELL worth the purchase, if for no other reason than to give Granny a mild stroke when she plays the NSFW version.

Either way, I hope you do not fall victim to the amazing explosions contained in such a small box. If you do, just know, you are not alone. There was almost 900,000 people who backed this game, and at least a million more copies sold since. There is no way everyone who has purchased it could be wrong, could they?

I guess you have to try it out and see what you think. Please make sure to let me know your feelings after one game, five games, and ten games. I want to see if it held its own for the long run, or if it fizzled out after only a few tries. Also make sure to keep your eyes peeled for the ever mystical expansion (no idea what the hell they felt they needed to add to the game, but why not) which is all over The Oatmeals forums, and being talked about in backyard brothels all across the country.

Remember to support The Comic Hunter Moncton and Charlottetown, as they continue to bring us the latest and greatest in Comics, Board Games, and entertainment venues for us to play all of our nerdy ass games in. Buy local, because that is how we are able to stay local, and don’t forget to ask the guys for their game recommendations for the future. They know their shit, and they love to share it.

Well that sounded wrong… just so many levels of completely wrong…

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